A non-refundable 13-day trip to Iceland departing in one week. The one-year anniversary of a parent's death. Depression severe enough to question whether getting on the plane is the right choice.
This is the dilemma one traveler shared on r/travel, sparking a deeply personal conversation about when travel heals and when it harms—and whether you should push through with plans when you're not sure you have the emotional capacity.
The Setup
The traveler described an "incredible 13-day trip to Iceland" they'd been planning for months. But recent depression—compounded by the upcoming one-year anniversary of their father's passing—had completely drained their motivation to go.
The trip is solo. The plane ticket is non-refundable. Departure is in one week.
"I really don't feel motivated to go," they wrote. "If I cancel I won't get a refund on my plane ticket. I'll be traveling solo and I feel that might make it worse. But then maybe traveling somewhere I've always wanted to go might make me temporarily feel better."
It's a question many travelers face but few discuss openly: Do you force yourself to travel when you're in crisis, or do you honor what your body and mind are telling you?
The "Push Through" Perspective
Many commenters urged the traveler to go, arguing that travel—especially to a place as awe-inspiring as Iceland—can provide perspective and healing:
"Go. You might be numb for some of it, but Iceland's landscapes are so powerful they can cut through depression. Sometimes you need to physically remove yourself from the environment where you're stuck."
"I traveled solo while grieving my mom. I cried on mountaintops and in hostel bathrooms. But being somewhere new kept me moving when I would have stayed in bed at home. The distraction saved me."
Several people noted the sunk cost of the non-refundable ticket: staying home means losing the money and missing the experience. Going means at least you tried.
Others emphasized that travel doesn't require constant happiness: "You don't have to be excited to go. You just have to get on the plane. The rest will figure itself out."
The "Honor Your Limits" Perspective
Other commenters pushed back, warning that forcing yourself to travel during acute depression can backfire:
"I did a solo trip while severely depressed. I spent most of it in my hotel room, felt guilty for 'wasting' the trip, and came home feeling worse than when I left. Sometimes staying home and taking care of yourself is the right call."
"Depression already makes everything feel meaningless. Adding the pressure of 'this is supposed to be amazing' when you can't feel anything just adds guilt and shame to the depression."
Several people noted that solo travel amplifies whatever emotional state you're in. If you're processing grief healthily, solo time can provide space for reflection. If you're in acute crisis, being alone in an unfamiliar place can intensify isolation and hopelessness.
"I thought travel would fix my depression. It didn't. Therapy fixed my depression. Then travel became enjoyable again."
The Middle Ground: Go, But Lower Expectations
Some commenters suggested a third path: go to Iceland, but release all pressure for the trip to be transformative or even enjoyable.
"Treat it as a change of scenery, not a cure. If you spend three days in your hotel room staring at the ceiling, that's okay. At least it's a different ceiling than home."
"Book the most basic itinerary. Don't pressure yourself to see everything or feel amazed. If all you do is sit by the Blue Lagoon and stare at water for a week, that's fine. You got out of your house."
Several people recommended building in support systems: booking one or two guided tours to have structured human interaction, staying in social hostels rather than isolated Airbnbs, or scheduling daily check-ins with friends/family back home.
"Solo doesn't have to mean isolated. Group tours, hostel common rooms, and even just chatting with bartenders can provide connection without the pressure of maintaining relationships."
The Grief Layer
The one-year anniversary of the traveler's father's death added complexity several commenters addressed:
"I think your dad would want you to go. Honoring his memory might mean doing the things he'd be proud of you for doing, even when they're hard."
But others cautioned against that framing: "Don't weaponize 'what would Dad want' against yourself. Grief has no timeline and no 'right way.' If you need to be home on the anniversary, that's valid."
Some suggested reframing the trip: "Maybe Iceland becomes a memorial trip. Bring something of your dad's—a photo, a favorite item. Find a meaningful spot in Iceland and have a private moment with him there. Turn the trip into an act of remembrance rather than escape."
What The Research Says
While anecdotal, the thread aligns with mental health research on behavioral activation: the therapeutic principle that taking action—even when you don't feel like it—can interrupt depressive patterns.
However, mental health professionals also emphasize the difference between productive discomfort (pushing yourself in ways that build resilience) and harmful overextension (ignoring your body's signals that you're in crisis).
Travel while grieving or depressed can help—if you have basic coping skills, support systems, and realistic expectations. It can harm—if you're in acute crisis, lack support, and expect travel to magically fix you.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Several commenters offered frameworks for the traveler's decision:
1. Can you function? Are you eating, sleeping, and handling basic tasks? If no, solo international travel may be too much.
2. Do you have support? Can you call someone if you're struggling? Have you told anyone about your mental state?
3. What's the worst case? If you go and it's terrible, can you come home early? (Check ticket change fees.) If you're truly at risk, staying home is safer.
4. What does your gut say? Strip away the money, the expectations, the "shoulds." What does your body want?
5. Can you lower expectations? If you go, can you release the pressure for it to be life-changing and just let it be... whatever it is?
No Easy Answers
The thread didn't reach consensus because there isn't one. Grief is personal. Depression is personal. Only the traveler knows what they need.
What the discussion did provide was permission: permission to go, permission to stay, permission to struggle, permission to feel conflicted.
Travel culture often celebrates pushing boundaries, conquering fears, and "just going for it." But sometimes the bravest thing is recognizing when you're not ready and choosing rest over adventure.
And sometimes the bravest thing is getting on the plane even when everything in you says stay home, trusting that movement—even numb, unmotivated movement—is better than paralysis.
The best travel isn't about the destination—it's about what you learn along the way. And sometimes, what you learn is that taking care of yourself doesn't always look like the inspiring travel story. Sometimes it looks like canceling a trip. And sometimes it looks like going anyway, even if you cry through half of Iceland. Both can be the right choice.
