A woman in her late 40s wants to spend six months as a digital nomad in Southeast Asia - but her spouse won't leave his bank job for another 10 years. The thread on r/digitalnomad explores whether long-term solo nomading is compatible with marriage, and whether it's selfish to go without your partner.
The question touches on deeply personal territory where wanderlust, relationships, and life stages collide.
The Setup: Perfect Timing for One, Terrible Timing for the Other
"I'm in my late 40sF and feeling the need to just get up and go and be a DN in a few years when my mortgage is done and both adult kids are off living in university," the post begins. "I am in government and would be ready to return to private consulting where I can work anywhere."
The financial pieces are falling into place: mortgage nearly paid off, kids becoming independent, career transition to location-independent consulting work, strong pensions and retirement savings. By her own assessment, she'll be in a "great financial position, all debts and mortgage paid, great pensions and rrsp."
But her spouse is a "creature of habit" who won't leave his bank job until retirement - another 10 years away. He's interested in living abroad eventually, just not for another decade.
The Core Question: Can Marriage Accommodate This?
"Is it even possible to just have one party in a marriage go off and DN just a few months or 6 months for the experience?" she asked. "I just can't see myself grinding here in the rat race for 10 years when I know we would shortly be in a great financial position."
The question resonates because it's increasingly common. Remote work has opened doors that family circumstances keep firmly closed. One partner hits the perfect moment for nomadic life while the other remains years away from readiness - whether due to career timing, risk tolerance, or simple personality differences.
The Community Response: It's About the Couple, Not the Travel
Responses split between practical considerations and relationship dynamics. Some commenters noted that six-month separations happen in many relationships - military deployments, work assignments, family caregiving obligations. If the relationship is strong and communication is solid, extended time apart can be manageable.
Others pointed out that going solo as a digital nomad while married fundamentally differs from these other separations. When someone deploys or takes a work assignment, it's typically framed as necessity or obligation. Choosing to leave your spouse for six months to pursue a lifestyle dream carries different emotional weight - particularly if the partner staying behind isn't enthusiastic about it.
The Compromise Territory
Several experienced nomads suggested middle-ground approaches: start with shorter trips (1-2 months) to test whether the separation works for both partners, plan for the spouse to visit during the nomad period, combine nomad time with remote work that benefits the household financially, making it feel less like pure lifestyle choice, and potentially bring her mother along (mentioned in the post) to add purpose beyond personal fulfillment.
One commenter noted that framing matters: "I can't wait 10 years" hits differently than "I'd like to do this while I'm still in my late 40s/early 50s and physically able to enjoy it fully."
The Underlying Tension: Mismatched Life Timelines
The post touches on something broader than digital nomad logistics: what happens when partners reach life milestones at different times? She's ready for the "after kids, after mortgage" phase now. He won't be ready for another decade.
Waiting means potentially reaching the nomad lifestyle in her late 50s, when energy levels and health may be different. Going now means time apart during years when many couples are reconnecting after the child-raising phase ends.
There's no universal right answer because the question isn't really about digital nomading - it's about whether this specific couple can accommodate one partner's need for adventure while honoring the other's need for stability.
The Practical Considerations
Beyond relationship dynamics, solo married nomading in Southeast Asia raises practical questions: healthcare coverage when one partner is abroad long-term, tax implications of one spouse living/working in another country, maintaining a Canadian residence while one partner travels, and handling emergencies or family situations remotely.
These aren't insurmountable obstacles, but they require planning that couples traveling together don't face.
The Best Travel Isn't About the Destination
What becomes clear from the thread is that this question can't be answered by strangers on the internet. Whether six months in Southeast Asia is "selfish" or "reasonable" depends entirely on the relationship, communication, and what both partners need.
Some marriages thrive with extended time apart. Others require daily physical presence to maintain connection. Some spouses would be thrilled to have their partner pursue a passion. Others would experience extended solo nomading as abandonment.
The woman's instinct - that she "can't see myself grinding here in the rat race for 10 years" - suggests a deeper restlessness that won't be solved by waiting. But whether digital nomading is the right response, or whether the real conversation is about larger life satisfaction and relationship needs, only she and her spouse can determine.
The best travel isn't about the destination - it's about what you learn along the way. In this case, the journey starts with an honest conversation at home before booking any flights.
