You can't make this up. You literally cannot make this up.

Ben Simmons, former NBA All-Star, former number-one pick, former Philadelphia 76ers cornerstone who famously refused to shoot basketballs, has won a championship.

In professional fishing.

I'm not joking.

Simmons' team, the South Florida Sails, won the 2026 Sports Fishing Championships Walker's Cay Open in The Bahamas on Sunday. They absolutely dominated, catching six blue marlin and three sailfish for 2,925 points. The second-place team, the New Jersey Sea Birds, managed just 1,450 points. Simmons' team doubled the competition.

According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, Simmons owns the team and was reportedly on the boat for the tournament. While he was reeling in marlin in the Caribbean, the New York Knicks—the team that reportedly offered him a veteran minimum contract in the offseason—were playing in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Yeah. Let that sink in.

Simmons turned down a chance to play for a Conference Finals team so he could focus on his fishing career. I'm not editorializing here—that's literally what happened. The Knicks wanted him on a minimum deal, he said no, and now he's catching fish while they're one series away from the Finals.

Now, to be fair to Simmons, he did say in December that he wasn't physically ready to return to basketball. "There's a lot of things happening," he told Andscape. "I think for myself, I got to the point where I just wasn't in a place physically yet to get back on the court and play to what I want to be able to give to the game. And obviously, you want to go back and get on the team, and that's the focus."

Okay, fine. Injuries happen. Bodies break down. Not everyone can stay healthy. I get it.

But then you win a fishing tournament four months later? You're physically healthy enough to be out on a boat in the ocean, fighting marlins that weigh hundreds of pounds, but not healthy enough to play basketball?

Listen, I'm not a doctor. Maybe fishing is less demanding on the body than NBA basketball. Maybe the lateral movements and the jumping and the physical contact are too much for his back or his knees or whatever is ailing him. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But the optics here are rough.

Ben Simmons was supposed to be one of the great players of his generation. Rookie of the Year in 2018. Three-time All-Star. Defensive Player of the Year contender. A 6'11" point guard who could guard all five positions and orchestrate an offense. The Sixers built around him and Joel Embiid, dreaming of championships.

Then came the 2021 playoffs. The infamous series against the Atlanta Hawks where Simmons passed up a wide-open dunk because he was afraid to go to the free-throw line. The meltdown. The fallout. The trade demand. The year-long saga in which he refused to play for Philly and eventually got dealt to the Brooklyn Nets in the James Harden trade.

Since then, it's been injury after injury, absence after absence, excuse after excuse. And now, professional fishing.

Look, I'm genuinely happy Simmons found something he's good at and enjoys. Fishing is a legitimate sport. It requires skill, patience, strategy, and physical endurance. The people who compete at this level are serious athletes in their own right. If Simmons wants to pivot his career away from basketball and into fishing, more power to him.

But he needs to just say that. Retire from basketball. Move on. Stop with the "I'm focused on getting back on the court" stuff when clearly, you're focused on catching marlin.

The basketball world has moved on from Ben Simmons. The Sixers moved on years ago. The Nets moved on when they waived him. Even the Knicks, who were apparently willing to give him one last chance, have moved on.

Maybe it's time for Simmons to officially move on, too.

Congratulations on the fishing championship, Ben. Seriously. You dominated. You won. You're a champion in something.

Just maybe don't tell us you're trying to get back to basketball when you're clearly living your best life on a boat in the Bahamas.

That's what sports is all about, folks.